8th January 2008

Lord I thirst for you
I long to be in your presence
To busk in your loving arms and enjoy your kisses.

Right now I wish I could stop breathing
Shut out thoughts that are running helta skelta across my mind.
If just for a brief moment I would stop feeling and everything would be silenced.
Jesus, Jesus.
My soul thirsts for thee, my flesh longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no other.

Birth your purposes and plans in my heart oh God, that I may be fulfilled living on this earth.
Oh that everything in me would be silenced in God's presence.
Hush! be still all yee in the presence of the God of Heaven and earth.

My life belongs to you

"I'll sing your praises forever, deeper in love with you
Here in your courts where I am close to your throne
I've found where I belong".

Everyday, listening to songs of worship excites me more and more.
Everyday, the words of these songs mean more than ever before.
The musicians were truly inspired by the Holy Spirit to put into words what my heart feels about my God.
God you are so worthy, so worthy!!!
Psalm 111

Sometimes I think one needs to have gone through stuff to sing and mean these songs.
"I'm trading my sorrows... though the sorrows may last for a night, His Joy comes.."
"So close, I believe your holding me now in your hands I belong"

It is well with my soul

Blessed Be Your Name

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

(Matt Redman)

Jesus Bring The Rain

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holy

MercyMe

Voice of Truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy, you'll never win!""You'll never win!"

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy you'll never win!""You'll never win!"

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

(Casting Crowns)

My Gethsemane Moment

I've been blessed with good health, hardly fall sick and when I do it's minor.

When I was carrying Mich, there was no doubt in my mind that I would be in good health and give birth naturally to a healthy baby, well as it turned out I had a c-section.

I always dreamed that I would have all my children by the age of 30, well... I had to re prioritise.

When I was expecting Nziiza I never imagined that I would go into preterm labor let alone have Jesus take him back immediately, again I was wrong it all happened.
It felt like the ground had been removed from under my feet, all these bombs hitting me from a direction I least expected.

Ok, where do I go?, well to the author of my life. "Jesus please help me, what is going on?" He was there, He comforted me and even though I couldn't get the answers I knew I was safe with Him, He healed me.

I'm on the go again and this time I'm praying and telling God how I would like to have another child without any trouble. As I move a long I'm reading the scriptures and understanding how I'm no longer under the curse, by His stripes I was healed and that means the curse that was placed on me because of the sin of Eve has been lifted, I can have a supernatural pregnancy and child birth.
Next day I get a call from my doctor and she is talking about a cervical cerclage, huh?? what are you talking about? never heard of it, never knew it existed, boof!!! another bomb.

"Ok, God what is going on?" this doesn't make sense. I begin telling Him how I don't want any of that stuff, no way.
Then He brings me to a point of total surrender, I'm like God, you know what?! I've come to realise that my life is not my own, I'm here to bring you Glory, it's not about me but about you and what you want to do with my life.

CLING!!!! My Gethsemane moment.

I would rather not go through these tough circumstances but if all this is so that your name is glorified, bring it on. If it means giving away all that I am, all that I have, health, family, friends, all the things that "define me", then let it be.
God if it means taking my life so that Glory comes to you, LET IT BE.

It's painful, it's hard, but I surrender all. Immediately there is a big burden lifted off of me, the pressure is off and an inexplicable joy comes over me.
Oh what JOY!!!.

Now I have an idea of what Jesus was talking about Matthew 26:38-39


'Then Jesus went with them to a garden called Gethsemane and told his disciples, "Stay here while I go over there and pray." Taking along Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, he plunged into an agonizing sorrow. Then he said, "This sorrow is crushing my life out. Stay here and keep vigil with me."
Going a little ahead, he fell on his face, praying, "My Father, if there is any way, get me out of this. But please, not what I want. You, what do you want?" '


It's a daily process of surrender ... Selah, Amen.