My Gethsemane Moment

I've been blessed with good health, hardly fall sick and when I do it's minor.

When I was carrying Mich, there was no doubt in my mind that I would be in good health and give birth naturally to a healthy baby, well as it turned out I had a c-section.

I always dreamed that I would have all my children by the age of 30, well... I had to re prioritise.

When I was expecting Nziiza I never imagined that I would go into preterm labor let alone have Jesus take him back immediately, again I was wrong it all happened.
It felt like the ground had been removed from under my feet, all these bombs hitting me from a direction I least expected.

Ok, where do I go?, well to the author of my life. "Jesus please help me, what is going on?" He was there, He comforted me and even though I couldn't get the answers I knew I was safe with Him, He healed me.

I'm on the go again and this time I'm praying and telling God how I would like to have another child without any trouble. As I move a long I'm reading the scriptures and understanding how I'm no longer under the curse, by His stripes I was healed and that means the curse that was placed on me because of the sin of Eve has been lifted, I can have a supernatural pregnancy and child birth.
Next day I get a call from my doctor and she is talking about a cervical cerclage, huh?? what are you talking about? never heard of it, never knew it existed, boof!!! another bomb.

"Ok, God what is going on?" this doesn't make sense. I begin telling Him how I don't want any of that stuff, no way.
Then He brings me to a point of total surrender, I'm like God, you know what?! I've come to realise that my life is not my own, I'm here to bring you Glory, it's not about me but about you and what you want to do with my life.

CLING!!!! My Gethsemane moment.

I would rather not go through these tough circumstances but if all this is so that your name is glorified, bring it on. If it means giving away all that I am, all that I have, health, family, friends, all the things that "define me", then let it be.
God if it means taking my life so that Glory comes to you, LET IT BE.

It's painful, it's hard, but I surrender all. Immediately there is a big burden lifted off of me, the pressure is off and an inexplicable joy comes over me.
Oh what JOY!!!.

Now I have an idea of what Jesus was talking about Matthew 26:38-39


'Then Jesus went with them to a garden called Gethsemane and told his disciples, "Stay here while I go over there and pray." Taking along Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, he plunged into an agonizing sorrow. Then he said, "This sorrow is crushing my life out. Stay here and keep vigil with me."
Going a little ahead, he fell on his face, praying, "My Father, if there is any way, get me out of this. But please, not what I want. You, what do you want?" '


It's a daily process of surrender ... Selah, Amen.

In Christ Alone

In Christ alone will I glory
Though I could pride myself in battles won
For I've been blessed beyond measure
And by His strength alone I overcome
Oh, I could stop and count successes
Like diamonds in my hand
But those trophies could not equal
To the grace by which I stand

In Christ alone I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory let it be said of me
My source of strength, my source of hope
Is Christ alone

In Christ alone will I glory
For only by His grace I am redeemed
Only His tender mercy
Could reach beyond my weakness to my need
Now I seek no greater honor
Than just to know Him more
And to count my gains but losses
To the glory of the Lord

(Michael English)

Though He slay me ...

Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him;
I will surely defend my ways to his face.
Job 13:15

When you are able to say this of the Lord, then you are in business.

Word of God Speak

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say

Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to seeYour majesty
To be still and knowThat You're in this place
Please let me stay and restIn Your holiness
Word of God speak

I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay

(Mercy Me)

A glimpse of Glory

I've never experienced anything more supernatural than the time I held Nziiza in my arms, it was absolutely heavenly and surreal.
At the time it was almost like a dream but indeed I saw Jesus, I touched Him just holding my little baby. It is not an encounter that can be retold to effect in as much as it is an experience to be felt.
Sam and I partnered with God in creating this beautiful child, Nziiza was God's to start with and provided another opportunity for us to share in creation, to have a supernatural encounter with the maker Himself.
I believe that God wanted us to meet with Him period, that was Nziiza's purpose, brief but powerful.
Children are a gift from God and He grants them to us as stewards, he decides how long we will have them and there is no denying the impact they have on us as parents, guardians, sisters, nephews and what ever other capacity they assume in our lives.

The morning after Nziiza left, the song that was on my heart was,
"Oh it is Jesus, yes it is Jesus
It is Jesus in my soul,
For I have touched the hem of His garment
And His blood has made me whole".

Children are God's vessels of ministry and communication to us, we should be very careful the way we handle them.

Yesterday evening I was taking a walk in the park after putting Mich to bed, I was talking to God and telling Him how I was looking forward to seeing His blessings out of this and guess what He told me?, my love and devotion should not be dependent on what He is going to do for me because then my love is not genuine. I need to love Him regardless of whether or not He blesses me and my was that a hard teaching or what?!
The perfect reminder that I'm not my own but His and my life is meant to bring Him glory and not the other way around.
Lord, total surrender is really hard, I don't know how to love you unconditionally but I'm willing to learn, please teach me how.

Be still

Hide me Lord, under your wings
Cover me within your mighty hand.

When the oceans rise and thunder roars
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still and know you are God.

Rest my soul, in Christ alone
For there's power in quietness and trust.

When the oceans rise and thunder roars
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still and know you are God

Focus

Did you know that unbelief is a sin?
Well that is what the Holy Spirit has been teaching me lately, through different circumstances in my life. Reading this scripture today crowned it all. Hebrews 3:12-14

12See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. 13But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. 14We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first.

There are many times God has shown His promises to me, how He will never leave me nor forsake me and that in everything He has my interests at heart. But time and again I find my self falling back to doubts and fears influenced by what I see going on around me, around the world, everywhere. I felt like He was telling me to focus, to keep my eyes on Him and what He says and not what the world is showing or how I am feeling. This is the typical experience of the Israelites being led out of Egypt, they complained a lot, every after a miracle they would be quiet for a bit but soon forget and start complaining again. They failed to look at the bigger picture, the bigger God but were engrossed in petty issues. I guess that why it took them forty years to get to the promised land and sadly non of the people who started the journey actually made to the land because they died on the way. That says a lot doesn't it?

I have been anxious about the future, what will happen in a few months when Sam starts his internship and is not home as often as I would have loved, or where we will stay when we get back from Dallas, let alone the crazy heat that everybody talks about in Dallas. There have been a whole lot of things on my mind and just when I was indulging in this worry the Holy Spirit quickened my mind to Philippians 4:6-7 that says;

6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Help me Lord to see you as you really are, The Almighty God.